Jersey

These are the things that I learned. Just because people preach the bible, it doesn't mean they are better. I think I am at peace with myself and learned to save what I think in life for those who listen. I think perception is based on a case by case scenario and anything awful that is done can be justified. I think I am a good person and I am proud of myself and everything I have in life. I think the haters will go on hating and preaching at that.

it is almost CHRISTMAS

It is almost 2010 and here are the things I am planning to do. The first is read more, at least one book a month. I am planning to graduate and start my masters program. I am planning an adventure (it is really Mark's present). I am planning to think more seriously about starting a family. This year I am going to try to be a better friend. Time is moving fast, I need to move with it.

Into the holidays

I wanted to put into words a few things I was feeling this week. I have been sad. I walked around feeling sorry for myself, physically ill and not knowing why. This is when I figured it out. It is the holidays. Every year I go to New Jersey for the holidays. Every year I go I feel as though I am 10 years old. For whatever reason people there have the permission to be mean, nasty and see me as someone else. I want to put into words I am not that person. In my real life I keep to myself, I don't have television and pay lots attention to my dog. This year I am going to go there and pay these dues. Comments will be made, looks will be picked up on and I will continue through my days. I do this not for myself but for someone else. When I leave I return to reality. This is a place where I have my art and books. This is only a place that I love. Now on with my journey into the holidays.

I am really confused

My father said he was going to kill himself on a beach. This is something that doesn't surprise me. I don't think that I would pay for his funeral or even attend it. People come and go out of our lives. If we do nottecide to stay we cannot expect for other people to wait. I think I am doing okay, better than others expected. This scares them. I am not yet finished. Thus keeps me going.