Into the holidays

I wanted to put into words a few things I was feeling this week. I have been sad. I walked around feeling sorry for myself, physically ill and not knowing why. This is when I figured it out. It is the holidays. Every year I go to New Jersey for the holidays. Every year I go I feel as though I am 10 years old. For whatever reason people there have the permission to be mean, nasty and see me as someone else. I want to put into words I am not that person. In my real life I keep to myself, I don't have television and pay lots attention to my dog. This year I am going to go there and pay these dues. Comments will be made, looks will be picked up on and I will continue through my days. I do this not for myself but for someone else. When I leave I return to reality. This is a place where I have my art and books. This is only a place that I love. Now on with my journey into the holidays.